October 18th, 2020

It's really weird doing nofap with such an obscure fetish as a pie in the face fetish. Like I've already said in the homepage summary of this blog, it's such a seemingly innocent thing that I may come across it anywhere. I can apply all of the pornography website blocking lists I can find, but I can't completely purge my internet from people getting pied. There are hundreds of videos of that on YouTube. Of course I can just block YouTube, and I do block it so that I don't spend hours looking at stupid videos, but will it actually help me with nofap? What about Google images or Startpage or any search engine that has an image searching functionality? Maybe I can host my own search engine with something like Searx and block words like "pie," but what prevents me from entering some URL that I remember, say (WARNING, NSFW AND ALSO PROBABLY WEIRD AS FUCK FOR NORMAL PEOPLE), or maybe some blog owned by a lady that decided to celebrate a thousand Twitter followers with a thousand pies in the face or some retarded shit like that? Even still, what about other video sites, like Vimeo or Dailymotion or any one of the Peertube instances that has a fuck ton of porn on it because there are no copyright mechanisms on any of them? I can block the internet at home but my job is in an office with a computer connected to the internet. What prevents me from deciding to pull an all nighter one evening, waiting until everybody's gone?

Every time I get a little streak going eventually I start thinking about these things, and I can't stop. I try to rid my head of them but they just keep coming back. Thoughts about the videos I could find, the people I could interact with on forums. Maybe I could find a woman in my area with this fetish and organize a meetup. Maybe I could convince one of my lady friends to do something like that with me. And it just keeps going. Usually I really try to distract myself with other things to do, many times I just submit and relapse. It's so scary to think that as soon as I ejaculate I regain my sensibility, and this fetish of mine seems so weird, I can't conceptualize the fact that I've just jacked off to that. Even a day or two ago I was sitting idly in the middle of the day and out of nowhere I thought to myself, "I have such a weird fetish. I can't believe this shit turns me on. How does something like this even start? How do you get to the point of being sexually aroused by seeing women get hit with pies in their faces? How many people are there in the world like that?"

The /r/Coomer guys and the folks would probably argue that it is because I've never rebooted (gone 90 or 120 or some other arbitrary amount of days without porn and jacking off) that I have a fetish like this, and that's where I would disagree with them. Even when I went about 87 days without porn, I still kept thinking about fetish stuff. Still fantasized about it here and there, still thought about what I would do to a woman who'd have one of these sessions with me, and I don't think I was very much of a coomer in those days. I didn't look at women up and down in those days like I do nowadays, and I didn't spend hours fantasizing about these things - only a few momentary day dreams. Like I wrote in the homepage, I got into this stuff way before I even discovered regular pornography or that naked women turned me on. My theory is that some people are born with some kind of a very abstract fetish, like a fetish to dominate or to be dominated, and that pornography basically intensifies these fetishes and causes them to be specific, i.e. I probably had some kind of a domination fetish, saw some people getting pied on TV or something, looked for more footage of people getting pied online and developed a fetish.

All it takes for me to fail is to be a little bored, and suddenly think about risque shit to search for online, and that usually snowballs into me jacking off for two hours, then cooming and hating myself for the next three days. Fuck, I even started googling some NSFW shit in the middle of writing this post, but I've closed all dangerous tabs I've opened and hopefully this will be the end of it. Meanwhile, here's a nice little idea for a project to help you with your nofap journey: a PiHole.

A PiHole is basically a self hosted DNS server that allows you to block lists of domains. All you need is some kind of a computer with a static IP address running either Debian, Ubuntu, Fedora or CentOS. Then it's just a matter of running the command

curl -sSL | bash

as the root user and following the on screen dialog to configure the installation. In the end of the installation you'll get the web interface login password - you should keep it. Keep in mind that with the newest version of PiHole it is only possible to configure the websites you block through PiHole's web based interface, unless you want to fuck around with MySQL, so you'll have to let the installation set up a local web page with the lighttpd web server. I already have a web server at home, so first I tried to configure both PiHole and my website to run on the same machine, but eventually I gave up and just set up PiHole on an old Raspberry Pi I've had lying around. I run Fedora Server on it because Raspbian is slow, tedious and full of minor but glaring issues. To configure PiHole, open up your web browser, go to the PiHole device's IP address and log in with the password that was given to you at the end of the installation. PiHole isn't going to be the magic bullet that ensures the success of your nofap journey, though. Disabling it is as easy as changing the DNS server of your operating system or web browser.

This post has been mostly me rambling and letting out some steam, so I'll just finish saying that today I feel very much like a coomer; sex is all I can think about, and a few moments ago, here at work with my high speed internet connection, I have peeked at some NSFW things and Googled some risque shit. You will experience days like this. Some people even think about it as being your pornographic geists leaving your body. Whenever you do have one of these days where you feel like a complete cumbrain, just physically distance yourself from computers and technology as much as you can. I've had to do some work today, I did peek at some NSFW stuff (I've even started looking for NSFW sites on Neocities (found a website of a huge poster of some disgusting asian bondage porn film where the girl is completely glazed with cum which got me pretty much soft as a noodle)), but I'm going to leave work early and probably go back home to study latin, do some reading, and maybe go out for a long walk. Try to make the most out of this assshit day I've been having so far.